Sponge bath it is.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
