I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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