its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
