I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
