dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
