Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
