I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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