I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
