Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
