Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
