smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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