The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
