I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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