We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
