In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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