Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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