Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
