I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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