JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I believe in your delicious
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
