a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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