my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
