great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
