she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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