The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
