need another drink. this is the easiest way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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