my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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