so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
