Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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