You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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