the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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