I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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