Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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