That's intense
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
