I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't put those talents on a resume
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
