today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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