my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
