Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
