remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
