Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
