high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
