It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
