i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
