So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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