Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
