I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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