my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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