so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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