Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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