And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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