I am puke
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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