I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Where is the hickey?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
