Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
