so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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