I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
