He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
