good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
