I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
