escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
