I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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