girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
