I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
