Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
